joined: 2019-07-24
Before you worry about why someone doesnt like you, first ask yourself why you should even care :)
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15 days ago

A beautiful day

I debated if I was going to post this, but after a few minutes of ugly crying, ???? I realized this needed to be shared. I hope this touches you as much as it touched me .“I never intended to do bereavement sessions or end of life sessions when I picked up my camera. Most of which either never see the light of day or I never take credit for. It’s not the nature of those types of photos. Never did I imagine having the ability to photograph last moments with loved ones, last days with angel babies who were born without breath. Someone like me- a sympathy cryer and who has a very weak hold on my emotions. I have watched in helplessness as mothers grapple with their losses. With fur babies getting their last pup cups or lake days. With great great grandmas sitting happily with loved ones trying to hide their tears. Every time I do a session like this, I grieve the loss with them. I think about them constantly. I cry while I edit. I do my best to comfort and love on strangers while also doing my job. Capturing the raw moments for them. The details I wished I had of my own losses. I sit completely open to experience these moments with them. I don’t know how to shut my feelings down or compartmentalize when I’m there. And if I did I don’t know that I would choose to turn it off. So instead, I feel everything with them. This week I took family photos of a Brave woman fighting cancer and her 2 daughters,, This was so hard and so rewarding at the same time is the only way I can put this experience into words..Doing End of life sessions well they have changed my brain chemistry- and this session was no different. She’s going to fight to be here for as long as she can for her girls. For this session I made sure she got the full experience. I did her makeup and had her give us a fashion show with the client closet. Her girls decorated her hair in sweet little flowers and we just spent time outside. In between shots and poses I caught her really taking everything in. So many times she would close her eyes and breathe deeply, comment on how beautiful it was out there and just appreciate the things we all forget to notice. At the end of the session the girls wandered off for a bit to pick some flowers to keep in memory of the session- while I sat with her and helped her record some videos for her daughters- on the off chance that she won’t make it to their weddings. She thanked me for crying with her. She thanked me for the experience and for making her feel pretty. She told me to live gently. To be gentle to myself, that she was so hard on herself was her greatest regret. To not wait until someone has a cancer diagnosis to tell them all the wonderful things you think about them or the positive way they’ve impacted your life. And if you want to do something, to accomplish something, DO IT.
So go back to school.
Apply for the job.
Quit the job.
Take the trip.
Love on your people.
Buy the dress.
Wear the shorts.
Take the time off.
Start the journey.
Leave your toxic situation.
I couldn't utter the words that I had once been in her shoes, this was her time to shine and nothing in my life was going to be in the way of such a beautiful day , so we carried on and it was beyond words of beautiful and heart warming to watch these 3. so Folks....
Here is your sign you’ve been waiting for. As someone in remission from cancer this really hits home, and is why I want to capture every single moment with my 2 children my family and those I love as family. I journal every single day, I have a book I write in each and every single day for them to read when I've left this earth and gone home, it teaches you NEVER take a day for granted, never make promises you cannot keep, and most of all never stop showing those you love just how much they're loved by you, you just can't make up for time lost in doing these things,
I'm beyond grateful to have taken these photos for this family, To be able to gift them these memories frozen in time forever. I hope she has many more opportunities for things like this as she fights her battle.

So I did thing today tattoo #8

This is something that took me a very long time to learn. I used to tolerate a lot because I didn't want to lose people. I learned the hard way if they were really my people they would never treat me like that. Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being repeatedly disrespected. Let them be upset.
Let them judge you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them gossip about you,
Let them ignore you.
Let them be "right."
Let them doubt you.
Let them not like you.
Let them not speak to you.
Let them run your name in the ground.
Let them make you out to be the villain.
Whatever it is that people want to say about you, let them!
Kindly step aside and LET THEM.The hard truth is they know how much they are hurting you. They just simply don't care. They did it knowing it could cause them to lose you. They did it anyway. People that love you care about how they make you feel.
The end.
Let them go. There will be people that would rather lose you than be honest about what they've done to you. Let them go.The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of acountability was the closure. The lack of honestly was the closure. Let them go. Make the decision to no longer sit at tables where you might be the topic when you get up. Let them go. You can still be kind. You can even still love them deeply. But do it from the distance they created in their words and actions. Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Let them go. You don’t need to tell your side of the story. God already knows. Let God fight the battle for you. Let them go. It’s taken me a long time to get here. Sleepless nights, countless tears, managing a range of emotions filled with anger, disappointment, confusion and deep hurt. Lots of self reflection, self preservation, deep prayer and seeking wisdom from those much wiser than me. If you are struggling with this please know you are not alone. We will never understand why hurt people hurt people. But we can do the hard work to grow ourselves. Because healed people do in fact heal people. Don’t you dare let them steal your joy.
Don’t you dare let them steal your light.
Don’t you dare let them steal your peace.
You are in control of that. Hold tight to what you can control and release your grip on what you can’t control.Let them go.

Cover of Fleetwood Mac Dreams


Just a few ways I see life

Life isn't fair, but it's still good., When in doubt, just take the next small step.,Life is too short – enjoy it.., Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will,. You don't have to win every argument. ,Stay true to yourself.,. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check., When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile., Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present, It's OK to let your children see you cry, Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about., If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...,Take a deep breath. It calms the mind, Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.,Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.,It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.,When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer., Over prepare, then go with the flow.,Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age ,The most important sex organ is the brain., No one is in charge of your happiness but you., Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this even matter?',Always choose life.,Forgive but don’t forget., What other people think of you is none of your business.,Time heals almost everything. Give time time.,However good or bad a situation is, it will change., Believe in miracles.,Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.,Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young., Your children get only one childhood make it a memorable one for both of you, especially them they will remember it when you least expect them to,,. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved and accepted those you love for who they are not what the world expects them to be, Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. (I love this one, If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back, Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need., The best is yet to come... No matter how you feel, get up, and enjoy the day God has given you, Life isn't always fair but it's still a gift, Time is also a gift one we can’t get back ,whatever you do don’t waste it on anger, Never forget where you come from, not what you come from, Self pity makes us weak, fight for yourself because sometimes we’re the only person who can .

Merry Christmas Happy New Year 2024

I haven't been on in about 10 or 11 weeks thought I'd come on Wish you all a late Merry Christmas I hope it was spent with those you love most and you made many many memories to last a lifetime.. And that your 2024 is an awesome year for each of you, I had 2 major kidney surgeries one in November than on Sat Dec 9th we were hit with a tornado and I was in my nieces home who was 7 months pregnant, I had been house bound from surgery for what seemed like and eternity, so I decided to get out Id go help with what I could to set up baby Carson' s nursery, we were alerted by the sirens and our immediate thought what no way and well it went off a 2nd time and wasn't ending we knew it was for real and close, both our phones went off with the alarm at the same time, I was moving very slow due to 3 weeks post op she was moving slow due to 7 month pregnant, as we made our way down stairs the winds felt like they were pulling us out of her house, we made it to the basement level and within seconds you were deafened by the tornado going right over the house , it was only seconds but it felt like hours, as it was over neighbors came over and were yelling was she ok, , the entire top half of the house was gone no where to be found, it was just like you had sawed it in half, .Within hours she was in full labor baby Carson came that night and was born at 26 weeks he weighed 2 pounds 2 ounces and is in NICU and will be for a few more months, I ended up having a 2nd surgery 3 days after this for damage had done to my previous surgery, I'm doing ok but please I'd like to ask you to pray for Carson, he is still so so very tiny and has such a long road of healing and growing to do to be able to come home to us all.. Things can and will get replaced , lives and those we love are the most important things in this world, Damage to my house and barns are still in repairs, my nieces house was a total loss, and this past week end she moved into her new home closer to where I am, :) Carson in all of this is the most important thing to all of my family.. Babies are amazing and so so much stronger in their fights than we can even imagine, I'm in awe of this tiny lil boy struggling so so hard just to survive and begin his life, I've saw pain and heart break in the eyes of my niece who I raised like my daughter, and I know her pain and even still all I can do is love her thru it and trust Gods plan for her Carson and my family...