This 84 year old gentleman was driving to the store when all sudden he rear ended this very expensive sports car. The guy got out of his car and walked back to the old man and proceeded to call him every name in the book. Look what you've done to my car. I want $10,000 right now or I'm gonna beat your ass to a bloody pulp. The old man said "Let me call my son, he trains dolphins and he'll know what to do". He calls his son but as soon as he answers the guy jerks the phone out of his hand and says, "Listen here "dolphin" trainer, your old man ran into the back of my expensive sports car and I want $10,000 right now or I'm gonna beat both of you to a bloody pulp". The son says he'll be there in 10 minutes. Sure enough this Jeep pulls up and a young man gets out and proceeds to stomp a mud hole in the guy and leaves him laying beside his expensive sports car. The son walked over to his dad and said "Dad it's Seals, I train Navy Seals.
ALL I KNOW IS LOVE
I've never understood the concept of hate How anyone can carry that in their heart It must feel so heavy all I know is love❤️
the 3 wishes
A devil appeared to a woman and offered her 3 wishes:
,and he said but everything I give you your husband will have "10 times more."
She thought about it for a moment and agreed.
1st. Wish: WOMAN: I want to be very, very rich.
DEVIL: remember that your husband will be "10 times more than you."
WOMAN: no problem, mine is his and his is mine... the woman became rich and her husband 10 times richer.
2nd. WISH: WOMAN: I want to be immensely beautiful.
DEVIL, remember that your husband will be "10 times more handsome" and many will be after him.
WOMAN: It doesn't matter, it's no problem, I'm not jealous... the woman became immensely beautiful.
3rd. WISH: WOMAN: I want a very small heart attack, mild, that is just a substitute, nothing more.
THE DEVIL devil remained mute, and thought, "and he thought, unfortunate thing, she already killed him and kept everything.
REALLY!!
A state trooper pulled an 83 year old woman over for speeding. When she handed her license to him he was surprised to see a concealed gun carry permit attached to it. Huh, do you have a gun. Yes I do, a semi 45 in the glove box. Oh he replied, and that's surely all. No, I have a Glock 9 In the center console. He said surely THAT'S all. She held her purse up and said "I do have a little 38 in here". The trooper said lady what are you afraid of? She answered "not a friggin thing".
the frog
a man walks into a bar. he has a frog sitting on top of his head. barkeep looks him up and down, then asks "whats up with that?" and the frog says "well, it all started as a wart on my ass!"
"3 PARACHUTES"
An Airplane was about to Crash...
There were 4 passengers on board.. But Only 3 parachutes!
THE FIRST PASSENGER SAID ---
"I'm Taylor Swift--The Best Singer" have more concerts and
millions of fans needs me- I cant afford to die.
So She took the first pack and left the plane.
THE SECOND PASSENGER ---
Joe Biden said : I Am Newly Elected US President in American history.
So My people don't want me to die.
So He took the second pack and jumped out the plane.
THE THIRD PASSENGER ---
The Pope said to the Fourth Passenger;
A Ten year Old School Boy.....
"My Son I am Old " and Don't have many years left...
You have My Life and Let have You the last parachute.
The Little Boy said: "That's OK your Holiness"...
There's a Parachute left FOR YOU...
America's Smartest President took my School Bag tho..LOL !!!
Of a Mustard Seed, and a Noodle
All my life I've pondered the biblical reference to having faith "even as much as a mustard seed." As a child, I stole a necklace from my mother that contained a mustard seed in its pendant. I took the pendant apart (I'm not saying I was a good child, necessarily!) and examined that mustard seed from all angles, but I couldn't see what was so special about it.
Just this past summer, the thought occurred to me that a mustard seed is simply itself. It doesn't try to grow into a cabbage, or a lemon tree, it just grows mustard, and doesn't waste any effort wishing it was something else, or that the plant next to it was different, or anything. It's just mustard, and it's good with that.
On January 20, my basset hound, Baxter, died of cancer. We called him Noodle as a nickname, because when we first got him he could bend over backwards like a piece of macaroni, and it was hysterical. We got Baxter as a companion to our old basset hound, Bentley (who we called Boo), who had outlived the longest lived of his litter mates by five years, and who was our best friend and companion for 13 years. Boo had slowed down quite a bit by then, and we thought a puppy might keep him interested and active.
Bentley died of old age four months after we got Bax. At the time, I almost couldn't bear to be around poor Baxter, who'd done nothing wrong, other than not being Boo.
Bax was a character. As soon as his voice changed, he immediately fell in love with it, and his favorite thing to do was bark. Ad nauseum. Sometimes he would walk out into the back yard, find everything quiet and nothing to chase or investigate, and he would just bark. At nothing. He loved it, us, not so much. "Noodle! Stop that effing barking!" was a not-uncommon phrase every summer.
I thought of that when he died, and of how completely Baxter he was. He wasn't Boo, he didn't wish he was a bird, he didn't try to grow into a rose bush. He was just Noodle. And maybe all of that barking was just a Noodle making a joyful noise unto the Lord. And God help me, through my tears, but I'm good with that.
