jane_and.the_dragon

I wonder why people will do things that will make you think they care about you , and make you care about them, only to turn around and cut your heart out by shutting you out. I have had a few people in my life who have essentially ghosted me. Even when I see them in real life sometimes the reason they turned on me is not clear. Let"s take this girl I was very close friends with in high school. I was sick for a few day;s and when I came back she did not even want to talk to me. We used to pass notes all the time, and when I asked her why she said I knew what i did. If I had know I would not be asking. She never did tell me why she was mad at me. I know for a fact I did not do anything that should have caused her to turn on me like that.
The same kind of thing has always existed. Most of you know I had a friend about 4 years ago now that totally cut me off. The difference with that one is, I do know what I did that made her mad. It was a bad idea when I did it . and cost me more then I thought it would. She still has not spoken to me. Now I wonder if she was ever really my friend, or if I mistook her kindliness for a real friendship.
A real friend will forgive mistakes you make in time. A good example of that is a friend of mine that I had a fight with about 8 years ago. I deleted her from all my on line things, but I did not put her on ignore. One day about 6 months later she showed up where I was on line and said she missed me and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to get me to forgive her. Fact is I missed her and I told her how she could get me to forgive her, and she did it. I forgave her, and she and I are still friends today. True friends will forgive in time if they were real friends in the first place.
I recently found myself crying over another person I thought was my friend , that no longer considers me a friend. I do not know why I cried unless it was a present she sent me laying here on my desk by my keyboard. I look at it and realize she does not even say hi anymore, if I speak first. I had hoped we would get past it some day, but it hurts to realize that may never happen. The one thing I have learned is you can not make people like you, BUT other people can make them not like you if they push the right buttons.

i want to close with this thought I saw somewhere years ago: ANYONE WHO MAKES YOU CRY IS NOT WORTHY OF YOUR TEARS, AND THOSE THAT ARE WORTHY OF THEM, WOULD NEVER MAKE YOU CRY. I am trying hard to reconcile that in my head. Sad part is it is not usually my head that controls my emotions it is my heart, and when it is broken it is hard to see the logic in a situation.