jane_and.the_dragon

 
Afiliado: 15/04/2014
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are, your reputation is who people think you are. ht
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NEW YEAR

     Well here we go people the beginning of a new year.   I hope it is better then the last year.   I really am not sure I could take another year like the last one.   It is ironic in December of 2015 I had such high hopes for 2016.   My brother and I were getting closer then we had been in years.   I really thought we were going to get back to where we had been when we were kids.   My hopes were sort lived.   In January he told us he had cancer of the mouth and that it was in the lymphoid in his neck.   I knew it was not good.  They did surgery chemo and radiation but it was pointless.
In Aug he got worse and was taken back to the hospital.   They told us he had a day to a week to live.   They were not wrong 6 days later he died, but he got to go home the night before he died by ambulance.   He died at home with his family around, and he still knew everyone till his death.   I guess that was a small blessing.    A short time after my brother was diagnosed I found out my favorite cousin also had cancer.   She died in Oct,   About a week after my cousin my brother's wife also died they say it was a heart attack.   Most  of us think it was more a broken heart.  Just days before her death she told my sister she did not know if she would ever get over our brother"s death.  They had been together sense he was 1968.   I was amazed how well their kids and grand kids recovered losing them both.   I find myself bursting into tears from time to time even now.   We had the Christmas gathering on Dec 17 at my sisters house.   Everyone seemed to have a good time and my anxiety stayed mostly low so even I had some fun.   Christmas eve my younger brother called to see if I wanted to go to his house for Christmas dinner.   I was going to go but when I woke up I was really dizzy.   My head was spinning for a bit I thought I may end up at the hospital.   I did not want to ruin my brothers holiday so I took one of my nerve pills and I went back to bed.   By around 3 pm I was feeling enough better to get up.    My neighbor brought me over some food.   I called my brother to tell him I was a bit better.   I was kinda depressed to realize I was missing his grand kids opening their presents.   That is something I miss most on Christmas day seeing the kids open their presents.  
     My anxiety seems to be staying under control fairly well.   I am hoping next year will be a better year.   Most of all if I could make one wish for the new year it would be for everyone to make it through it alive and healthy.   If they do no matter what else happens I will feel we had a pretty good year.   So here's to 2017 may it be 100% better then 2016.


NOT A BAD HOLIDAY

   My family had their Christmas party on the 17 at my sisters house.  All in all it was not a bad time at all.   I did not eat much as I had an upset tummy all night the night before, but what I ate was yummy.   The gathering this year was at my sisters house.   She has a new big heated garage/play room for her grand kids.  By the time we got there most of the family was there.  The kids were running a muck with scooters riding them around the table that had been set up in the garage so we could all eat at once.   It was a little sad my brother and his wife could not be with us as they had passed away this year, but their children and grand children joined us.n0.100.gif 
     After the meal the table and chairs were moved to the edge of the garage and presents were opened.   I always see to it everyone in my family gets something from me for Christmas.  I will admit some get more expensive presents if they do more things for me during the year, but EVERYONE gets something.   I was a tiny bit disappointed when I got home and discovered my niece and her family did not even give me a card.   When I give someone a present I do not do it expecting one back, but a card would have been nice.   I have been watching my email thinking maybe she would at least send me an email card, because they are free and she spent a large portion of the Christmas party playing around on her phone instead of watching her kids.  None has came yet.
I am not trying to be petty it is just that I gave her 25 bux for her birthday in Nov and 25 for Christmas . I also bought her kids and her husband Christmas presents, and a special additional present for her oldest son for being good all year ( he has ADD so that is not easy for him).  It is disappointing to think I cared that much about her family and she did not even care enough about me to send me a free email Christmas card.n5.100.gif  
   My sister in law got her feelings hurt, because every year she makes a craft project for the kids to do and this year it did not get done.   She spent all the time setting it up and was really looking forward to making it with the kids.   I heard her ask one of them when we got there if they wanted to make a snow man, so I guess it had something to do with snow men.   The reason it did not get made was my sisters fault, and I am totally with my sister in law on this.  My sister thought it was a good idea to set up a bounce house in the garage after the presents were opened.   Seriously what kid would get out of an inflatable bounce house with a ball pit to go make a craft project.   I thought the bounce house was over the top, and at the very least it should have waited until after my sister in laws craft was done she makes something every year.
     My sister just totally annoyed me this year.   As I said I buy for everyone in the family every year, as did our other sister until this year.  I told my sister that our other sister was not going to get for everyone this year( it is important to note all the other adults in the family but me and our oldest sister stopped buying presents for each other years ago) and my sister said well i wish I knew if she was getting for me of not so I would know if  I had to get for her.   The words HAD TO GET set me off.  No one has to get someone else a present.   I said to her are you serious?   You only buy your only big sister a present because she buys you one?   I said you know what if God had that attitude the very first Christmas we would all be screwed today.   If he would have said I am not going to give them my son to save them unless they give me something where would we all be now?   I told my sister who used to be the deaconess of her church that she was playing christian not living it.   She goes to church nearly every Sunday and women's fellowship and wants people to think she is a good Christian but when it comes to her own sister where is her christian charity?   Then she says to me you do not realize how any I have to buy for.   I said ohhhhhhhhhhhh really you buy for your kids and grand kids and I buy for everyone in the family so I am sure I buy for more then you do, and I have less to do it with then you do.   My sister has the most money in the family and for her to play she can not afford even a dollar present for our oldest sister if she does not get her anything wins her the scrooge of the year award in my book.   The whole thing is she busy hundreds of dollar presents for her kids and grand kids cause she likes spoiling them rotten.   Even her oldest daughter feels the way I do that she goes to extremes  with the spoiling the grand kids and her younger daughter takes advantage of her mom.   That is where the stupid bounce house came from my sister bought it for her youngest daughter's youngest daughter's birthday the day before the gathering.   YES I said BOUGHT IT not rented it.   She wants to spoil her grand kids so they have no value of money that is on her, but no way am I going to let her get away with saying she is not getting our other sister anything for Christmas because she has too many to buy for when that is not the case.   She has a few she is spending wayyyyyyyyyy too much on that is why she feels it at Christmas.  
     Ok I am sorry I got off track.   I think everyone enjoyed them selves at the gathering for the most part.   Even the adults were throwing the balls from the ball pit at each other lol.   Tell you what if I ever got in a real fight I would want my sisters oldest grand daughter on my side. lol   She was gathering up the balls that were being thrown taking them to my brother's youngest son to hold then when she got a bunch or them collected up she passed them out 2 to each of the adults sitting along the edge of the table and told us to hold them till she gave the signal to throw them so we did. lol  When she said now we all threw them at one time it made a rain of balls in the middle near the bouncy house. lol   The girl had good tactical skills.

 HOPE EVERY ONE HAS A NICE HOLIDAY SEASON AND A BETTER NEXT YEAR THEN THIS ONE WAS!


WHAT IS MORE ANNOYING?

   What is more annoying? people that will not stop doing something that upsets you no matter how many times you ask them not to do it, or other people that hear you ask someone not to do something and they try to do the same thing.   I mean seriously I have a hard time keeping from being depressed around this time of year, and this year it is especially hard.  I have had many deaths on and around the holidays so they bum me out anyhow, but this year is really hard.   We lost both my brother and my sister in law this summer so it will be the first family gathering we have had without them sense they got married in 1968, so the last thing I want to do is hear about more people dyeing.   I have told this to one of my friends ( who seems obsessed with death) many times including last night.   I have told him in front of many of our friends.   Well today another friend who knows damn well i do not want to hear about it brought up the subject twice today to me.   Seriously are people really that stupid that they would think when you ask one friend not to talk to you about something it would be ok if they did it.   It reminds me of the little kids i used to babysit.   If I told one of them not to do something right away another of them would try to do it.   I felt like they were trying to see if I liked one of them more then the other and would let them do what I told the other not to do.
     I am not an idiot I realize there are people dying every minute of every day, but can I not have a couple weeks this year that I do not need to think about death and those I have lost?   Is that too much to ask?   Why do people keep bring up deaths to me when they know I do not want to hear about them.  Come on at this time of year is there not a little good news in this world we could talk about instead?
     Tell me about solders that make it home for Christmas, or someone beating a bad illness and being healthier then ever.   I want to hear about healthy babies being born.   Tell me orphan  children find homes.   Is it really too much to ask for a little good news to end this horrible year?


THIS IS STILL AMERICA

     It seems like some people have forgotten this is America.   This country was founded on the right to free speech I am sure what I am about to put forth is going to make some of you angry, but I am using my right to free speech.   A friend of mine was angry about something he read.   Apparently someone used face book to "defend" one of the people who has attacked students in a school recently.   In the post the writer asked for a little compaction and the attacker who was killed in the capture.   She said if anyone posted any pictures of his dead body on her page she would delete them.   Now it seems there is a partition going round wanting her fired.   ARE YOU SERIOUS????   THIS IS AMERICA.   Anyone in this country legal right to SAY anything they wish.   Why would anyone think someone should use their job just because they voiced an opinion in America.   These people who are trying to stop people from writing things they do not like are no different then those that tried to censer the colonial press in the early days of this country, or those that censored what people wrote in Natzi Germany.   Is this country really becoming so worried about what someone says that does not agree with our own thoughts that we feel the need to take away ones lively hood just because we do not like what they say.  
     If you do not like what someone says  ignore it or if they are on one of the social medias block them from your page.   It is not only stupid it is borderline bullying to try to take away someones job just because they wrote something they felt that you did not.   NEWS FLASH: People do not all see things the same way.   Seeing something different does not always mean they are wrong, and even if they are wrong, intelligent  people will see it for what it is and pay it no heed.   There is not need for a emotional flogging of the person with which you do not agree.   It reminds me of the playground bullies when I was a child who would beat up anyone who did not do what they wanted them to do.  
     THIS IS AMERICA.  FREEDOM OF SPEECH WAS GIVEN TO US BY OUR FOREFATHERS  WHO BELIEVED IN FREEDOM SO MUCH THEY GAVE THEIR LIVES TO MAKE IT A REALITY IN AMERICA. 
     I think this country needs to grow a thicker emotional skin.   Words are just that words.   In the right mouth the right words can do great things, but lately what I am seeing in the news and on social media is they are not looking for the right words.   They are looking for the words that will get the most people upset and cause the most drama and conflict.   As to those people who are doing the petition  to get the woman fired because of her posting, I think your time would be better spent channeled into something uplifting rather then something to push someone else down.  
     What you are all failing to realize is KARMA is real and it will take care of anyone it deems to be putting out bad energy, so let it do its thing.   Let Karma take care of people you feel are putting bad things out in their words, and do not be the one Karma turns on because you try to hurt someone else by making them lose their job over a post on a social media.
     Sense I have climbed this far out on this limb I might as well saw it off while I am here.   I also feel people should not get mad at someone for saying a word they themselves use.   Although I myself would never use the "N" word, I hear it being used on a daily bases by the very group of people that complain about other groups saying it.   I asked a group of young African Americans  one day why they did this.   I was told it was not the word it sounded like.   I was told the word they are actually saying has an a on the end of it and it means like brother.   Ok I am willing to accept this explanation, But if a anyone of any other color said the same word they are saying with the a at the end, it would not be taken that way.   They would be accused of saying the "N" word and of being predigest.even though they were just trying to fit in and call them brother as it was explained to me by the children who were using the word.   Which brings me back to my main point WORDS ARE JUST WORDS and words should never be used as a reason for violence.   Ok I got that all out of my system for now I will craw down off my soap box now.    In case I do not write another blog before Christmas.  MERRY CHRISTMAS  AND HAPPY ALL THE OTHER HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE.   This year was so awful next year must be better right?


UNBELIEVABLE OR WHEN IT RAINS IT PORES!

    I recieved a call this morning.   Just 2 months after the death of my brother and less then 2 weeks after the death of my favorite cousin, my dead brother's wife is dead.   She died at 2 am this morning.   My other brother called me after he called out nephew and conrmed what was posted on face book by a neighbor to my sister in law.   I have not even cried yet.   I am still in shock.   I knew my sister in laws health was not good, but no way did I expect her to die so soon after my brother.   I just spoke to her a couple weeks ago and we were making plans for me to help her take some pictures off her old computer.   Noone should lose both parents so closly together.   The say she had a heart attack, but there are those of us that think it may have been a broken heart that caused her death.   She told my sister just about a week ago she did not think she would ever get over my brother's death.   They had gotten married in 1968 right out of highschool, and had been together ever sense.   
     The death of a lovedone is hard to take and this makes 3 in the past 3 months.   The last time my family was hit by this many deaths in one year was in the 1960's we had 8 or 10 that year.   I keep telling myself NEXT YEAR HAS GOT TO BE BETTER.   Like the song says If we make it through December everyting is gonna be alrigh I know,   I have to hold on to the future being better then this year.   If I did not I would fall into a depression I may not recover from.   So I paint and I crochet and I craft and I play on line games all in an attempt to keep my mind from thinking about the losses of this year.
     Sadly I am not the only one who is feeling these losses.   I have at least 4 friends and associates who have all lost people close to them this year.   One of the things that keeps me going is my belief that everything happens for a reason even if we can not see it at the time there is one.    I believer there is a guiding force controling everything and if something bad happens there is a reason for it.    EXAMPLE:  When I was under 2 years old I nearly died from choaking on a lifesaver ( do not let anyone tell you you can not choak on them I did).   I believe the lack of oxygen  is why I have panic attack syndrome today.   I nearly died and was turning blue by the time they got it out of my throat( hylemic was not invented yet).   Eventhough I survived with a new health issue, I survived.   It was not till over a decade later that I may have seen the why I survived that near death experience.   When I was 13 some of us kids were playing near a road.   One of the smaller children a girl about 3 years old wondered onto the road.   A car was barreling down on her at a fast speed, and she did not move.   I looked up an saw the car then I saw her motionless on the road.   Without even thinking of anything but getting her off the road.   I ran to her grabbed her and jerked her from the path of the car intime for us to feel the wind from the car as it passed us with just inches to spare.     WHY DID NOT DIE FROM THE LIFESAVER WHEN I WAS LESS THEN 2 MYSELF?   The answerr was staring me in the face that day TO SAVE SANDIES LIKE over a decade later.   I xcould not see it at the time but the good lord could.      ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THINGS HAPPENING FOR A REASON: My brother that died in Aug  had a heart attack and a quadruple bypass in Nov that he was recovering from nicely when he was diagnosed with the cancer that killed him.   I wondered for a long time why the good lord put him throught the heart attack only to take him home less then a year later.    I think the answer to that question was staring me in the face all along.   When my brother came out of the heart attack he was changed.   He himself asked me to spend last Thanksgiving with him and his family.   He himself had not invited me to his house in over 20 years.   When he asked himself I went. I also spent Christmas and Easter with him before he died.   I think the heart attack may have been an awakening to the fact family is important.    Tbe same thing happened with our dad he surbibed a stroke to die of a heart attack less then 2 months later, but the last 2 months of his life he made peace with the whole family.   The ironic thing with my dad was when he had the stroke the doctors were not looking for him to live.  The next day he was awake and when the doctors said they had not thought he would wake up he said THE GOOD LORD HAD SOMETHING HE WANTED HIM TO DO FIRST!   Apparently he was right cause less then 2 months after making peace with the whole family my dad was called home.
     Back to my sister in law.   She was really missing my brother bad.   Sometimes a broken heart is more deadly then a heart attack.   I am worried about her kids.   Yes they are grown up but this is alot to take in such a short time.   I was lucky my dad and mom died a few years appart I do not know how they are going to take it losing both parents a couple months apart.   Her granddaugheter is not going to take it well I know that.   She was at her grandparents nearly as much as she was at home.  
      WHEN IT RAINS IT PORES!