jane_and.the_dragon

I really wish I could craw in a cave and sleep till spring. Especially now. I really hate this time of year. It has been depressing for me sense 1969 when my mother's dad died on Christmas day, in 1982 my dad died exactly a week before Thanksgiving, and about 10 years ago the first man I ever loved died 3 days before Christmas. I have not slept well for days from stress, and this morning I got a call that a friend of mine had died today. A couple hours ago I got the call they were delivering my new refrigerate Thursday. That would normally be good news, but who wants to deal with major furniture moment two days before Christmas.
I am so worn out and stressed out. At the risk of being selfish I feel like no one cares about how I feel about anything, and even when I try to make them understand, they do not. I got a dentist appointment Monday, a therapy appointment Wednesday. They are delivering that fridge Thursday. I am invited to my nephews for Christmas eve, and then NOTHING no one will be coming to see me on Christmas itself, and I have not been invited anywhere that day. Sucks to be all alone on Christmas.
Every time you turn around someone is dropping dead, mostly to covid. I was doing pretty well holding myself together till this week. As Christmas gets closer I get more stressed, and it does not help when I try to get people to see how I feel and why, but they do not get it, either they are too wrapped up in their own lives or they just do not care at all about me.
Last night I was asked to make some special things for a friend's family and I was up half the night doing that only to be woke up by automated telemarketers very early this morning . Then around 2pm my youngest niece called me she was crying. She had lost her bank card, and the bank is closed till Monday, and her dad was too far away to let her have any money. He works for the power company and when they need things after storms he is one of the drivers that take it to them. I told her not to cry that I had her covered. When she got here she looked really rough. I thing the season is getting to her too. I try so hard to block out the bad feelings but it is hard when others add to them. I really think bears have the right idea with this hibernating through the winter thing. You curl up in your nice warm den away from the cold, clouds, and snow. Then you come back out in the spring when things are starting to grow and the sun shines more and the days are getting longer. I am sorry if my thoughts are every where I get like this this time of year most years.