jane_and.the_dragon

I am starting to think stone cold had it right when he said don;t trust anyone. It seems like everytime I think I can trust someone and Iput all my faithe and respect into that person they let me down. Maybe if i do not trust people any more they will stop dissapointing me.

I been sitting here thinking, and I think peole who are self employed have the best life. They do not need to worry about people greesing the rungs as they climb the latter to success. They make their own rules, have their own codes of hono, and do count on anyone else to build them up, or have to dread having everything they built knocked down by a recking ball from someone higher on the ladder then they are. Being self employed allows you to have total control without hurting anyone else.
I remember when I worked in a restrant in the early 1980's. I had 2 bosses a man and his wife owned it. He was very easy to get along with. His wife on the other hand was hell on wheels. She was wound up tighter then a 2 dollor watch. I remember the day my knee went out at work, and I called the other dishwasher to come take my place. Then the owner said to call and tell his wife so I did. She insisted that i stay and finnish the day. LIKE AND IDIOT I did it by the end of the day my knee was swelled the size of a cantalpe. If i had know she was going to screw my over as bad as she did in the end i would have left and went to the hospital adn drawed compasation on them. Thing is they gave mne my first real job out of high school so I felt some loyalty to them. YEA self employed people have it all.

The kingdom was ran by a strong king, and in the fuleness of time it had become a safe place for those who saught sancuary there, but as time went on .the once kind ruler became a harsh dictator. He consorted with those that sought his favors. The kingdom no longer respected the king. He advocated the thrown in the kingdom he had built and left for a new land taking his consorts along with him. His kingdom was taken over by his first knight, who became the new ruler. The subjects were loyal to the new king, and were happy to be rulled by him. His strong will and clear head allowed the kingdom to rise back to greater glory then it has under the old king. Everyone in the kingdom respected the new king and would have followed his orders without question for several years. One day a new person arrived in the kingdom. A conning bonnie wench, who quickly engraiated herself to the king and his consort. This allowed her to gather much welth, and power from the king's favors.
The favoritism to the new comer did not go unnoticed by some of the kings loyal subjects. They tried to get the king to see the cunning of the new comer, but he web she has spun around the monarky blinded them to her true nature. One day the king left for a vacation, and left his lady in charge of the kingdom. In his absence she made many changes to the way the kingdom had been ran. Some were good some not so much. Some of the subjects were happy under her rule, others became discontent, and again the foundation of the kingdom shook. In time the discontentment grew. Some of the vilagers left for new lands, some stayed and remained loyal to the thrown. The kingdom went through some rough times, there were doubts as to w if the kingdom would survive. Luckly for the kingdom the true king returned and when he saw what had happened to his kingdom in his absence, he knew he needed to make changes to assure his subjects that the kingdom would go on and be stronger then before. He saw what was upsetting his people,and set about to put an end to the problem. It took a few more years, but the kingdom again rose like a phenix from the ashes of the disillusionment that had befell the kingdom just a few years before. And they all lived happily ever after!

i have spoken before about the winds of change. Well here I go again. We are all familiar with the winds of change blowing through or life from time to time. Winds of change are not always a bad thng if it blows like a zephyr, Light,gentle, andcooling,to freshen the air on a calm clear day. These winds are wonderful. They allow us to float along with the unharmed to a new place and a new adventure.
There are other winds of change. These winds blow hard like a huricane. They come on you fast and hard, upturning trees that had shaded you on the hottest day, rip the roofs off of out mental homes we build in our head. One minute you are standing there on what you think is secure ground, and when the winds of change blow through you are picked up and thrown somewhere you thought you would never be. The winds of change can tare down things you have been building for years. One minute it is there and the poof it is gone before you can blink.
The sad thing about the winds of change is: we do not control them. They happenTO us, and you are left to try to rebuild your life out of the fragments of your old life that are left after the change. Then is the time you must decide if there are enough fragments left to allow you to build on it or if it is all over, and you must move on.

I have been up all night, can not sleep. I hate when the events of the past 24 hrs keepo me awake, Iamnot just grouchy when i do notsleep i am a lunitic. My mind has been racing sense yesterday. and i need it to slow down and let me rest. Nearly 6:30 am and my eyes will not close. I got an appointment at noon that I am sure I am going to be in lousy shape for. What I would not give to be someoneelse, anyone else that did not obsess about things that hurt my feelings. I tried to sleep and sleep would not come. I am ready to drop, but still my mind is racing and preventing me from sleeping.
The past couple weeks my stress levels have been on overload. If I can not find a way to calm my over active mind there may be a lot more sleepless nights.