Today I had to make a hard decision. My brother called me to remind me they are putting my nephew's ashes in the family plot. He wanted to know if I was going and if I wanted a ride with him. I told him I did not think I was going. Part of me really wanted to go to be there for my other nephew he and his kids are all that is left of my brothers family. BUT part of me remembers what happened when we buried my brother. My anxiety was high, and I had a bad anxiety attack at the grave side.
I am worried that it could happen again if i go to the cemetery this time of year, because the things that triggered it last time are still there. I do not feel it would be fair to my nephew if I went an had an attack, because my nephew's wife would shift her attention to me. I really think the attention needs to be on my nephews, and I would not do anything to change that. I did not used to have problems going to the crematory when I was younger, but the fact is it started being hard when a couple trailers were put in near the grave yard. It got harder after my mom died. Then my brother died. I realllllllly should go more often then I do, but it is emotionally draining for me and I am sure a pain to my family when I lose my control. I think it is better for me to stay home and think about him as I have done many times sense his death.
My nephew was way too young when he died and he never had any children, but one of his nephews kinda look like him.
It always knew my nephew would die too young.
Even when he was a baby he spent more then his share of time in and out of hospitals, and every time he went in I worried. I really hope my family will not be mad at me for not going, but after much thinking I think this is for the best all around .
Even when he was a baby he spent more then his share of time in and out of hospitals, and every time he went in I worried. I really hope my family will not be mad at me for not going, but after much thinking I think this is for the best all around .