Might be time for a change.......Feelings are such a funny thing. You don't know if you should act on how you feel or use your head and realize that it might cause problems if you do anything. I think the reason I feel this certain way is because I was raised without a sister and never had more than one or two friends all through school. The first time I remember is with this woman at church. First she was my sunday school teacher and a very kind and caring woman. She always made learning fun and I could see that in the way she treated me. She was so caring that she became my seond mother. In this I mean when it was time for the mother.daughter banquet and my mom had to bowl that night and she only had a son, we were paired together very nicely and everyone accepted it. I even started sitting beside her during church. She had a beautiful voice, I loved to listen to her sing the hymns. There was one day that things at home got heated and I planned to run away from home and her house, 5 miles out in the country is where I was headed. It has been a long time since I have seen her. I did look her up when my mom passed away and found she lives about an hour from me. She is much older now and her son and husband are deceased. After all those years I still get those chills and warm feeling when I hug her.
Next was my friend, Robin, I don't remember how old I was. I am thinking maybe 15 or 16. She was such a good friend, I liked being around her, she made me laugh and we had fun.
The next one was very brief, she was a teacher in High School that was very friendly and kind. Only thing I can remember is she allowed me to visit her at her home. I dont remember now if she invited me or I just made a surprise visit,
Oh boy, this next one seems right now like it was the closest I got to bringing on the wrong idea. I tried to explain how I was feeling and this kind of thing can be easily misunderstood if you dont use the right words. I really don't know if we were ever friends. She was my manager selling Tupperware. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to go places with her and do fun things because she talked to me in a friendly and understanding way.I think where I messed up here is I tried to tell her how I felt in a letter. I don't even know if she understood or not. I never seen her again. I liked her so much that I gave my second child her first name.
The next one that came into my life was someone I met at the college I was taking classes at. It started as just sitting in the atrium and talking, skipping classes and checking out guys. I only lived about 3 miles from the school, so we would go to my house and hang out. It wasn't too long before I was done attending classes but remained friends. She didnt really like it at her house because her brothers would always bother her. So I told her to pack a weekend bag and come stay with me. It was great we drank beer and watched movies and she cooked tamales and mole' I opened up to her one day because I was tired of holding in how much I liked her. I tried to explain it wasnt sexual. I just needed ___ see, I still am not sure what to call it. It is not sex that I am talking about. Maybe affection is the word. Anyhow, I think she understood. Maybe it was because she had sisters growing up. Even after the talk, I guess maybe she didnt understand completly except when we we sitting on the couch eating or watching tv she didnt mind if I would brush against her arm or leg. Maybe she didnt even realize I was filling my need just by that little bit of contact.
